September
Seasons of change
When I wrote last month’s letter, I hinted that September had already been a bit of a whirlwind. But let’s delay the big, pressing life decisions a few more paragraphs, and share some fun happenings first.
Merino Muster- I skied the 34k Merino Muster and met Jessie Diggins! I finished on the same page of the results as her and Julia Kern too—a pretty rare moment! My friend Tam also crushed her first ski race, the 14k Double Fleece, and only took out one old lady in tinsel in the process.
Maximizing moments- with Keirra and Richard before they set off to cycle to the bottom of the South Island, back up to the North Island, then hop over to Indonesia and pedal their way towards Germany. Featured below are some precious memories of a birthday roadtrip out to collect cockles at Tam’s favorite spot, surprise liquid nitrogen ice cream concoctions, a trip out on the peninsula to see kororā (little/blue penguins), and a send-off breakfast at Adjø.
Tiny Foods- have included gnocchi and cockles, papusas, liquid nitrogen ice cream (if it counts, the glasses were small) ft. a viewing of “What We Do in the Shadows,” and sushi with a side of Taboo and no shortage of mustard pranks. Speaking of pranks, recall the 70 haikus from haikuterie night that Oak hid in his girlfriend’s room while she was away? She found most of them and kindly bound them in an anthology for us.
Speaking of haikus, we at Tiny Foods now have a mission statement:
we gather to share
complex feast of tiny foods
so small, exquisite
Expedition Exhibitions- We also established a sister branch of Tiny Foods, Expedition Exhibitions, that also has a mission statement:
Jill inspired us
get the same notebook and pen
explore and we draw
Follow us on Instagram to see more of our expeditions and read more haikus!
Now for the big, pressing life decisions-
A timeline:
Sept 15: We discovered that if we get married in New Zealand this year as planned, it would take 15-24 months for Ioan to get a spousal green card to enter the States. This would mean that if I returned to the US to start medical school at Creighton, we’d spend at least another year apart.
Sept 16: Could Ioan come into the States on a work visa if he finds an employer to sponsor him? Cue a somewhat frantic job search in Omaha, Nebraska (where I thought I would be placed for medical school, but spoiler: I’m not), and another spoiler: there are next to no jobs in Omaha for Ioan as a PhD graduate in lipid chemistry. Looks like they are chemistry jobs in manufacturing processed foods and windshield wiper fluid though. And while you might be thinking that’s just up Ioan’s alley, those employers refuse to sponsor international workers.
Sept 22: An immigration lawyer advised us to scrap the plan of getting married in New Zealand altogether and instead move to the States. Once we’re there, we could wait out the days until we’re allowed to get legally married, go to a courthouse, sign the document, and then apply for a different visa which might lead to a faster green card. If we didn’t want to scrap all of our wedding plans, we could change it to an unofficial commitment ceremony or a premarital blessing. (Now, Yo and Phe, I know you two have already secured your flights and made elaborate arrangements to come to New Zealand for the wedding so this news might be mildly panic inducing— rest assured, we’re not doing this; the wedding is still on).
Sept 23: As Ioan and I want to get married here and don’t want to live apart for the foreseeable years to come, we started to seriously consider scrapping the idea of attending medical school in the States. The US immigration process, the bleak job prospects for Ioan, life in Omaha…it started to seem a lot less worth it. Besides, I could pursue medical training somewhere else, like Australia, and we could avoid the headache of getting a green card altogether. (Unsurprisingly my mom is not too keen on this). And who knows, maybe studying in Australia would be a better fit for the two of us?
Sept 28: I got into medical school at the University of Sydney in Australia. They not so generously gave me three weeks to decide and secure my enrollment with the first semester’s worth of tuition. Also, as I’d be an international student, I would be required to pay the course fees up front in full. Time to frantically learn everything I can about financing, training, living, and working in Australia.
Sept 30: It turns out that if I do go to school in the States, I would be at the Phoenix campus. Ioan has some chemistry contacts there and it all-around looks better on the job front. There are major pros and cons every which way, but at this moment, Phoenix sounds promising. Maybe Ioan could find a postdoc there that would sponsor his visa? Or maybe we could get legally married tomorrow to start the clock on the spousal visa process, and maybe it won’t actually take 14-18 months?
I look forward to resolution in the coming weeks, in both senses of the word. Resolution in resolving current dilemmas, and in gaining clarity on what’s to come as plans slowly come into focus. I voice these hopes both cautiously and boldly. Part of me knows that plans are made to be thwarted, and that nothing is ever guaranteed. I know new information will come to surface. I expect curveballs, challenges, frustrations. But even so, I vow to hold a small space amidst the chaos for hope and peace.
I watched the docu-series “Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones” recently, and one of the things that struck me was the attitude of this 86-year-old man in Nicoya, Costa Rica. He’s in impeccable health and works hard for a few hours each day to maintain his ranch. He doesn’t have a safety net, but he has everything he needs. He said he thanks God each day for the life that he has, and when he prays, he asks for strength. Not for a life without problems. Not for assurance in the days ahead. But for the strength to endure whatever lies ahead.
For a long time, I had a pattern of thinking “it’ll all get easier once ‘x’ happens” or “once I know ‘y,’ I’ll find peace at last.” But after ‘y’, there would be a mysterious all-consuming ‘z’, and after ‘x’, a random ‘q’ would drop into my lap out of nowhere. It finally dawned on me that maybe if I thought this way, it wouldn’t ever get easier. Maybe I wouldn’t ever achieve the state of total zen-like tranquility. But maybe that wasn’t the point of it all either.
I recall hearing a story once about artists competing to see who could create the best picture of peace. At the end of the competition, the judge had to pick between two paintings: the first, a peaceful mountain scene with a blue sky and puffy white clouds reflected below in a perfectly still lake; or the second, a raging storm with lightning, violent waterfalls, and a little bird seeking refuge in a crevice of an otherwise unforgiving cliff side. To the surprise of some, the judge picked the second.
The point was that peace is not the absence of storms; it’s the moments of inner stillness amidst the storms.
(While writing this, I learned that the story refers to a real painting, “Peace in the Midst of the Storm” by Jack Dawson).
So I think that’s what I’m seeking now. Amidst ever-tumultuous times, I’ll welcome and celebrate moments of peace, however fleeting. I’ll dare to navigate uncertainty. And I’ll ask for strength. —At least I say this now. Let’s see what October brings!
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Thanks again for reading! Drop a comment, email, or DM me if anything resonated with you, if you have any words of wisdom to share, if you’re alive and well, or if you’re also navigating tumultuous times. Or actually, I do have a specific request for a response: So, hypothetically, say you’re playing the game Taboo, and one of the taboo words is “home,” is it against the rules to say “house?” Asking for a friend.
Love you all,
Stephanie